Dont know what to believe and what not

Kind of confused about lot of things as usual .How the things are going dont know.Life has taken a strange turn.Being together also doesnt give the feeling of togetherness.Initially thaught i was the one who s thinking so but found that feeling is mutual.Lots f lies in the life,he says he doesn't talk to her but i found the mesg in her account from his side on 20th March.When he was feeling sick he wanted to talk to her.Quite strange when i feel sick, alone i go to him and he says he has damaged his health due to thinking about us and not sleeping becaz of this.But in all this scenario where did i existed.Both of us are searching different things in each other.I am searching my space in his life and what he is searching is yet not known to me after 6yrs of our relations.I get his news from social sites like facebook by his status updates.Its not that we don't speak for days together but just he is not always comfortable in sharing things.I thought it may be my fault that i may not be understanding,tried every possible thing.The situatuion is so damaged that we are together from last 5-6 days and we have'nt shared a nice full laugh in all these days.Its very normal for him to say that after coming from the operation theater he called her becaz she asked him to.He was in unconscious though the first person he reminded was her.Then started the same routine again daily 2-3 calls that too above 40-45 mins each time.
He says i don't believe him,but what should i believe ,things he says to me or things i saw with my eyes.I have seen him talking to her many times such a way that i dont observe,he goes out to talk to her,he never cares that we are at our friends place or we are on our so called first honeymoon,the talk will surely be for more than 45 mins each time.He will say how can he treate someone badly if he/she is calling him.But u know he is always into these things,trying to be always into contact with all all the times.Never felt his presence in my life,these two yrs have changed our life so badly that we are not bale to find the way out.Cant able to leave each other and also not together though stay with each other.
He says its his fault but whenever i will say that its my fault he will be the first person to accept that.U know the on 20th of march i was so eager to meet him and give him surprise but when i reached there,i couldn't find any excitement in his eyes. He was not allowing me to come there but i wanted to go ,the day he said u can come i was ready to go.I don't know why i ddint went initially,sometimes its really difficult to answer my own questions.Each day i used to thing i want to go but whenever i used to ask him he used to say no.I cried ,i begged also but e said things are not that bad ,u carry on ur studies.But that day when i gave him surprise but i guess that was not a pleasant surprise for him.He himself said he didn't felt any excitement.WE are actually just pulling this relation i guess.He wants freedom from everything i guess, my restriction on him for few things make him hide things from me.IN Niharika's case he used to say that he is not commenting on her photographs but when he went from Nasik last time the first thing he did was that.He says they talk rarely then how they know everything about each other.He knows everything about her. I know he likes to be around her all the time but it just that as he had married me and that too the love marriage and against all family mebers, he is trying to work it.He is kind of bored of me,my presence doesn't make any difference to him.He even started taunting for few things which i had said with so much of belief in him.U know earlier we used to share every moment with each other and now we are only two ppl in our house and we don't have any topic to share.For us topics are her or some of his facebook things.
He says these social sites have saved him from suicidal attempts but tell me one thing why did he reached at that stage.He says he cant leave her because for me today she is the reason to get sad and initially it was his parents and in future it will be somebody else.I was always afraid of this thing to happen but it happened on that day.
Now he has forgotten all the things i have gone through ,i have realized that in life its better u never share any thing with anybody becaz u never know what the opposite person interpret.He is getting disturbed day by day and he is giving reason that as i am unhappy he is disturbed.But for him i have changed everything what else he wants me to change.I don't feel like laugh ,smile at least don't force me to do so.I have tried everything to make things ok between his parents and me but every time just got bad results,so did i do anything wrong .For him he says he feels that he doesn't have any ambrella above him.But i have lost aky and earth after getting into this relation.He says things were bad the day we got married bu cant he remember how much i have tried to make it right.In those days we never used ti have any physical relations,i never complained tat badly thought someday he will be fine.He has shared this problem with every possible person who wont help but will make issue out of it to play game in our relation.He loves to share things with so called his girl friends take it poorna,amruta or taiyaba.These ppl have so much part of his life that he has stopped living life without them.I was always standing there waiting for some day when he will be contented by my presence,but instead he went more away from me.May be its my faith to live life like this.After spending those nice days with him thought life will be so happy with him.every moment will be like a dream which i never have imagined.Actually life turned that way, life has taken such turn which i never dreamed of.He says he was always there when i needed him,and he always thinks about me.But where am i in his daily thoughts.He is surrounded by only his friends who are happy in there life and interested to know about others life so that they can play game.They have free time that's why they talk but when he need them they are not present and if i ask him to leave these friends he says he cant because they have become part of his life.Actually they have become part of his life replacing me .
Its really simple for him to say that he always thinks about me,but he will be always absent when he will be with me.I guess we have move so much apart that we don't even remember the person we have loved,we have forgotten to live life with each other.I am not able to satisfy him and he has moved ahead ib satisfying his needs from friends,social sites and i am left so much behind that i dont even have a single person with me.
He always find someone to move away from somethings.When we were in relation he wanted to share what he has gone through due to his father,today at some part of time i find him getting close to ppl so that he can feel better and refresh from the worst patch of our life.
Where am i in all this things.Today he says that he doesn't have a home,where do i stay is my home not his. What have i done with my life, thaught i had married to a most practical person of all but found the other way round after some time.Now he doesnt feel my presence when he is with me,i cant even leave him and cant live like this.I am seeing my future totally damaged,not able to concentrate on my present goals.He may say that he is providing me all what i need and keeping all worries away from me .i m the one who is finding new reasons all the time for not to achieve the goal.Today its just the one and half month remaining for exam and i have already lost the enthusiasm to study.I am surrounded by thaughts about him .our life, i m not feeling happy from inside,i know my life will be like this only, i will never be able to succeed in anything here onwards............